The videos below will guide you through this section. Complete the relevant questions then proceed to the next section.
Reflect on the parents who parented you during the earliest part of your life. If your natural parent(s) were not present, take the person or people who fulfilled this primary parental role.
Start with Parent 1, the same-sexed parent as you. If you are a woman, start with your mother/mother figure if you are a man, start with your father/father figure. Then, do the same with Parent 2. Please follow the questions in sequence. You may go back and review once you have completed the sections.
TIP: You might find it helpful to print the screens relating to your parents using the print function on your browser so you can refer back to them while you are busy with a later section.
In the space below write down the messages that Parent 1 gave you in terms of how you should be in the world. These are often moral messages related to the way you should conduct yourself.
Example: If you are going to do something, do it perfectly!
Example: Do not quit
Please put down as many messages as you can, in brief, point form. Know that this is for your eyes only, so you don't have to be concerned about the style, grammar or spelling.
Now, write down how Parent 1 behaved. What did Parent 1 do? Be cognizant that how Parent 1 behaved may be contradictory to the messages that they gave you on how you should be.
Example: He/she was lazy
Example: He/she was critical
Once again, put down as many messages as you can, in brief, point form. No need to worry about grammar or spelling.
All parents want what is best for their children. But in reality, parents also have emotional needs that they expect their children to fulfil. These needs may not be conscious, but you as a developing child would have been sensitive and aware of them.
Example: Be a doctor
Example: Be affirming
Put down as many messages as you can, in brief, point form.